9 years ago

This time 9 years ago, I was in the hospital, in labor.  Going through heaps of stress and family dynamics with my ex, the father of my child.  It was all worth it, though, as a beautiful baby girl was born, Emma Grace.  Today is bittersweet, though, as I don't have Emma with me.  She is being raised by 2 parents who desperately wanted another child, 2 parents who had adopted a boy once before and now wanted a sibling for their child.  2 parents who weren't able to bear children of their own.  So, I placed her in their arms, and I walked away.  The most unnatural thing I have ever done.  I still grieve, but I have peace.  I know she is well and happy and I receive letters and photos about once a year to remind me of that.  Today is hard, though.  I'm going up the street to Caribou Coffee to ponder and write her a letter.  This is one of the hardest letters I've ever had to write because now I know she can read and will have more understanding.  I hope I say the right things.  I love her so much and am so proud of her.  I hope she and I can have a relationship one day.  I hold on for that...