Monday, Monday

So, today was a pretty good day- for a Monday.  I work with 2 year olds as an assistant teacher and I love it-  but it's EXHAUSTING!


I feel like I have worked an 8-10 hr day after 4 hours!  Seriously!  And the fact I don't make nearly as much as I used to as a full time nanny is so hard.  I make less than half of what I used to get so it's difficult to say the least!  However, I do feel a bit happier.  


I enjoy the social aspect- having teachers to talk to regularly.  Nannying was rewarding and an awesome job for a while, but it could be lonely and didn't have much opportunity for building social relationships.  Financially it is stressful, though.  


I am not able to really do anything extra above gas, food, bills.  And I'm living at my parents house.  I wouldn't be able to have a place on my own or with a roommate right now.


This week I am struggling with boundaries.  Can anyone relate?  I want to help everyone and feel needed and wanted and helpful, but I also have to take care of myself.  Constant battle.


I haven't been taking care of my body lately b/c I am so so tired.  I don't have anything left to give.  I went for a walk yesterday and that was good, but that's been happening about once a week only.  I haven't done pilates in ages and I really want to try yoga.  I've done a yoga dvd about 8 years ago and loved it but that's my extent of experience with it.  Never gone to a class.  Too intimidating.  I don't want my top to scrunch up and anyone to see my stomach, etc.  See?  I worry WAY too much what other people think of me.  I really want to stop that.


I used to write all the time.  Lately, not so much.  This is my second post in just over a month!


I wrote that last post on my daughter's birthday and how that was a hard day.  I did get a letter written and sent to her, with gifts and photos.  I haven't heard anything back.  I really want to hear something before Christmas, but I don't know if I will.  And then it will be time to send her another gift and card.  It's hard with little feedback.  But I love her and will try to be consistent.  I am going to post the letter I wrote her on here, in the next post.  I'd love to hear what you guys think- if it's too much for a 9 year old.  But I wrote it for now and mostly for later, for her to look back on as a special letter expressing myself and where I was in life and where I am now and where I always will be for her.